Pushy or Professionally Persistent?

In my business of insurance sales, especially life insurance, there exists a caricatured image that is painfully funny. Portrayed as pushy and obnoxious and void of any real personality, the picture painted by the media is certainly not a flattering one. Perhaps the image that comes to mind first for many is Ned Ryerson, the character we see almost daily in the great movie, Ground Hog Day. Oddly enough, in my many years in the business I have rarely seen such a personality in all the many men and women I have met or worked with as associates. Perhaps that media image is due to several things but the most striking may be because of the very nature of what we are called upon to do in our profession. Best stated years ago by Albert E. N. Gray, he said that most agents “don’t like to call on people who don’t want to see us and talk to them about something they don’t want to talk about.” Now how is that for asking for an image problem; approaching people who don’t want to be approached to talk to them about something they don’t wish to discuss. Almost makes you want to apologize for existing as an agent and sadly some of us do that very thing which does not help paint a healthy picture of self-confidence in our life changing profession.

Perhaps most sadly, especially for those who laugh at that lampooned image, is that they don’t see the millions and millions of lives that are impacted by what life insurance does. Apart from the obvious families that are kept safe and comfortable when a parent or breadwinner dies, are the generations that follow that also are served because life insurance provided funds for an education that became both self-completing for the first generation and legacy building for those that followed. There are also the thousand of lives that are kept employed when owners or key employees die and life insurance funds keep business doors open and payrolls met. How about the businesses that are passed from mother to daughter or father to son because of proper planning done with life insurance. And this is only the beginning of what life insurance can do.

While I can heartily laugh as well as the next person when I see these caricatures portrayed in the media, I am most challenged when I see a parent think that tomorrow or next week is soon enough to face this matter, if they really even intend to face it at all. I recently approached a father and husband, with very young children and a stay-at-home wife, who had just finished graduate school and started a new career. With their growing young family and new career, they are also just now finishing their first home. When I see a family like this, I am reminded of why I am in this business. While it may be glamorous for some to work with high net worth clients, I get the greatest fulfillment when I know that children’s futures will remain bright, that a roof will remain overhead, and food will continue to fill the cupboards because I overcame the urge to be liked more than to do right, and pushed through the reluctance to help those who really need help but are hesitant or unwilling to seek it. While this father has been slow to see the need, I have been professionally persistent, and yet I can’t help but think that my persistence can be perceived by some as being pushy. To them I would simply say that I would rather apologize once for perceived pressure than apologize for ever for neglecting to fulfill my professional duties and leaving a family unprotected.

If you see yourself at all in this post then can I encourage you to call your neighborhood life insurance agent and set up an appointment to review whatever plan you have in place to make certain it is complete. While you are at it you might also thank them for performing the largely thankless tasks they do, all the time serving as fodder for stand-up comedians and nutty network movies, though those who achieve a level of success in this work are also rewarded both personally and professionally.

Joseph Campbell has described a hero as “someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.” While many might consider it a stretch to call what we do heroic, those that have become the most successful in this profession are those that have a purpose much larger than themselves that compels them to do the hard and somewhat unnatural task of talking to people who don’t wish to talk to them about matters they don’t wish to discuss, thus providing protection for people they will may never meet and leave legacies for generations yet unseen. I don’t know about you, but that sounds heroic to me.

Hide and Seek or Face the New Day

Early this morning, as I drove my youngest son to a religious class before his school day began, I was entertained by the moon and the sun. The moon, in the western sky, seemed to be playing hide and seek with the clouds, not really certain whether it wanted to shine its radiance on a closing night or call it a day and finally retire and bury itself in the fading sky. In stark contrast, the sun’s rays glittering over the expanse of the eastern horizon seemed to scream, “Here I am, bold and brave, ready or not, rise and shine and let’s seize the day!”

As I thought more of the playfulness of the sky I wondered if this was not emblematic of how so many of us face much of our lives. If it is not TGIF – Thank Goodness Its Friday – then it is ‘dreaded’ Monday or ‘hump day’ Wednesday. Why are we not just TFAND – Thankful For A New Day? This morning the moon and the sun both faced the same sky yet one seemed to hide from it while the other boldly greeted it. Will we be moon-like and hide from today or sun-like and welcome each day as one to conquer our fears or to break through some previous obstacle? Will we live with regrets or anticipate our dreams? Will we turn from a challenge or embrace an opportunity?

As I have thought more about my brief morning ride I have wondered about what my choices are and what they need to be. May I suggest one more thought for each of us. While, in a very dark sky, the ‘reflected’ light of the moon is far better than none, would it not be even better if we could be sun-like, or Son-like, and be more of a source and not just a reflection. Which will you be today?

The tree that is beside the running wate

The tree that is beside the running water is fresher and gives more fruit. – St Teresa of Avila, What is the water that refreshes you?

Personal Mission Statement

I have recently given great thought to creating my own personal mission statement that I can always have before me to be a guiding principle to how I live my life. This morning it came to me in a brief little rhyme.

“I will…
Give more than I take,
Burn more than I feed,
Spend less than I make,
And, Grow from all that I read.”
- Jary Welker

These few words will help to remind me of all that is important to me. First, I will serve my family and fellow-man, always giving to others more than I take from them. As I do, I remember the words of the Savior, “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least…ye have done it unto me.” (Matt 25:40). Service to others is the fuel that will fill my life and a principle that will guide my actions. Next, my physical body is a gift from God and must always be cared for as my personal temple. I am mindful of not only what I consume and bring into my body but the exercise and activity which will strengthen and energize me. My service to others cannot be as great if I am not strong and healthy. The third area reminds me that I must be a wise steward over the talents and resources I am given. I will multiply these talents, with the Master’s grace, only as a careful caretaker of what He has given me. I will budget and spend wisely, always mindful that “where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” (Matt 6:21). Finally, I will feed my mind only that which will enrich and cause me to grow. Mindless chatter and noise from the vast media around us will only serve to distract and debilitate, so good, mind stretching books and information will be my soul’s daily diet to enrich, inspire and lift me to great pursuits and loftier goals.

As I look back in future days, this day will be my turning point in accomplishing much more good and serving many more of my fellow-man.

Our Best Selves

St. Francis De Sales is to have said, “Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly.” I believe that each of us is called by a higher power or force, which ever is your particular belief, to be our very best. The perspective of many would also suggest that this means that to be our best necessarily means that we must then be better than another. But I would ask, if we are called to be our very best self, can that happen if our focus is instead to be better than our neighbor? Only by being filled with pure love, such as was spoken of by Paul in the 13th chapter of First Corinthians, are we able to be humble enough so that we can clearly see the distinction. Ezra Taft Benson has called pride “the universal sin.” C.S. Lewis has said, “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. … It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf has called pride “the great sin of self-elevation.”

Pride will require us to be better than our brother. Humility will lead us to become the best brother. Pride will lead us to try to make ourselves in the image and reflection of the world. Humility will allow us to be “as clay is in the potter’s hands.” (Jeremiah 18:6) when the potter is the Master Designer and Creator.

How much the better choice, humility than pride.

Simplicity

I love listening to the many different arrangements of the old Shaker tune, ‘Simple Gifts’ written by Joseph Brackett, Jr and I particularly like an instrumental arrangement by cellist Steven Sharp Nelson.

‘Tis the gift to be simple, ’tis the gift to be free,
‘Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
‘Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gain’d,
To bow and to bend we shan’t be asham’d,
To turn, turn will be our delight
‘Till by turning, turning we come round right.

One may or may not agree with their religious thinking but the Shakers left a rich mark on our early history in the United States and, actually, have a message that we could well benefit from today. In our world today we seem to relish in the busy and complex. If one’s work schedule is not marked by more than 40 hours a week, and filled with complex tasks requiring constant connection to each other through cell phone, text or email, then you have not quite joined this new millennial age.

Apart from their unique religious thinking, the early Shakers became renowned for their architecture, furniture designs and handiwork, the hallmark of each being its simplicity and functionality. Their hard work and industry, including their orderly communities, earned them both respect and admiration not just in their day but in our history. While their numbers were never great, even in their prime, their contributions have been lasting and we could benefit today by their legacy of simplicity and industry. While I would never profess a return to their time and standard of living, we might enjoy a benefit quality of living to return to a simpler world less filled with unnecessary complexities then perhaps “To turn, turn will be our delight ‘Till by turning, turning we come round right.”

What does Freedom mean to you?

Yesterday morning, Memorial Day, I am readied myself and family to take a day trip and as I did so I began to ponder the very freedoms that allowed me that opportunity. I thought first of the ease with which we travel in that I did not need to obtain a travel permit to pack my children in a car drive, hundreds of miles to visit the birth place of my father and grandfather that we could reflect on the great heritage that is ours. The only impediment to our travel was the traffic caused by the many others enjoying this very freedom with us. There were no armed check points asking where we were headed and I needed to seek permission for this trip from no one. We were able to stop along the way as we needed, to enjoy the great beauty of the trip without constraint of government officials or armed bandits. As I sit again now I wonder how many of our other freedoms we only think of when they are challenged or lost? I am thankful for the freedom to pursue my passions and interests whether it be for a daily wage or in service to my neighbor and fellow-man. As I travel for work or pleasure I am reminded, as I surf the many, many radio stations available, of the freedom to listen to what I want. Whether I look to left, right or center of the political spectrum I can choose what I listen to or I can enjoy silence as well. Do we appreciate the freedom of expression that allows each of us, as I am doing here now, to write things that the entire world can see without fear of censorship, or also the act of simply writing to an elected representative stating our positions and venting our frustrations without concern for reprisal? In preparation for the journey I ran to the store to pick up a few items for the day and was able to choose from row upon row of shelves filled. As we ponder this time of memories and memorials, may we pay proper attention to those who made them all possible and express gratitude privately and publicly for them.

As I sit here today after our trip, pondering the beauty of a new day, I wonder what I can do to make my life a fitting memorial, that I may be in some small way to those who follow what generations that preceded mine have been and are to me. To paraphrase a quote from Gordon B Hinckley, “Will we be the grandfathers to men of great heritage and valor or only the grandsons?” Let us be determined to be grandparents for sure, and not just grandchildren.

Belief and Hope

“Both belief and hope are critical to what we expect and try to accomplish in life. Belief implies something can happen. Hope, implies that it will happen.” – Brent A. Barlow, Caleb’s Creed,

Where do you find Beauty?

I found myself recently sitting in a large room as my work day wound down, staring out a large window to a beautiful red cliff in Sedona, AZ. The breeze was blowing, and even gusting at times, so the trees were also swaying and leaves rustling. I stepped outside from time to time during the day to take in the majesty of the surrounding area. As I write now, I am listening to the magical sounds of Jon Schmidt, an exceptionally talented and entertaining pianist. A few days ago I was with my family in Park City, UT, an old mining town turned artisans and winter sport community, as well as in the Salt Lake Valley, where we were sheltered by the grandeur of the snow-capped Wasatch Mountain range. Walking around the spacious grounds of the LDS Temple and Temple Square in Salt Lake City we discovered the beauty of spring with tulips in full bloom mixed with a variety of other flowers and plants. In that special place we observed couples, families and cameras clicking away in an attempt to freeze for the future the beauty of the moment. The drive home lead us to discover much more of the same as we were in awe by the rich combination of picturesque and quaint farms nestled against the majestic Rocky Mountains and the gorgeous red rocks of southern Utah. Beauty seemed to encircle us in almost every step.

I have thought, as I sit here now, how often we take off in pursuit of exotic lands and foreign beauty when, if we but open our eyes, we are surrounded by it. Most of us need not leave our front door very far but we are presented with such a panoply. In Richard Paul Evans book ‘The Walk,’ a fictional character, Leah, made a profound observation in saying “Some people in this world have stopped looking for beauty, then wonder why their lives are so ugly.” Have you stopped looking for beauty, or at the very least, have you stopped seeing it in the simple things of life? I will forever be taken by the allure of the sunset in the southwestern sky or the smell of rain in the Arizona desert. Can you see beauty in your neighbors well manicured lawn, even if it is not in the right zip code? How about the beauty of an aging couple, walking hand in hand, in deeper love now than when they held hands many, many years before for the first time? Driving by a park close to our home, I love to watch a family gathering for some occasion, such as a birthday, and to see children playful and free. For me, there are few things more beautiful than a young child’s fully engaged smile.

I cannot help but remember the words of the old Quaker song written by Joseph Brackett, ‘Simple Gifts’ for beauty truly can be a ‘simple gift.’

‘Tis the gift to be simple, ’tis the gift to be free,
‘Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
‘Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

There are numberless valleys of “love and delight” waiting to be discovered. Where will you see it next? Better yet, where will you look for it next?

Thinking about thinking

Do you ever stop in the middle of thinking a thought and think about what exactly it is you are thinking about? Sounds almost silly but yet we have just that ability to do so. Too often I find myself musing, or perhaps ‘stewing’ is a better word, over something that I cannot control. That kind of thinking can become circular and spiral to a place of purposeless frustration if we don’t exercise that uniquely human quality of thinking about what we are thinking, then stopping to redirect our thoughts. Dr. Dennis Deaton says it best, “The most amazing property of the human mind is its capability of instant self-analysis. We can think about our thinking – right in the process of thinking it – and can change to something better, at any time we want.” Because of an increase in the number of careless or inattentive drivers on the roads in the community where I live I have trained myself to look both right and left before proceeding through an intersection from a red light. More than once I have been saved from a tragic and painful meeting with an unexpected physical intruder – a two ton mass of metal hurtling through space. We can do the same thing mentally as we prepare ourselves to prevent that unwanted intrusion of a mental mass hurtling at us when unproductive thoughts take control. Viktor Frankl, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, observed this while a prisoner and explains it this way, “Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Or to choose one’s thoughts. He also observed, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

So the next time an uninvited or unwanted thought comes rushing through the intersection of your mind, stop, look right and left, exercise that choice each of us has in that space, and think about what you are thinking. Abraham Lincoln said, “I have come to the understanding that people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Don’t let the mental mass of bad thinking ruin your day.